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as Heston
as Hazlet Timer
as Ginny Ryerson
as Crystal Hamish-Steinberg
as Philip
as Townsend Prep Debater
as connie Ryerson
as Narrator (voice)
as Stephen Douglas
as Frank Ryerson
as Doyle Hefner
as Abraham Lincoln
as Hazlet Coach
as Honoria
as Lewis's Dad
as Fern Garries
as Townsend Prep Bad Girl
as Pizza Server
as Gym Teacher
as Junior Philosopher
as Lewis Garrles
as New Jersey Debate Official
as Juliet Hefner
as Coach Lumbly
as Plainsboro Lunch Lady
as Mr. Lewinsky
as Flemming
as Ben Wekselbaum
as Hal Hefner
as Luis
as Judge Pete
as Hazlet Lunch Lady
as Ram
as Earl Hefner
as English Teacher